On raising girls

When I found out that the offspring was going to be a girl, one of my initial reactions was panic. It's a difficult world to raise a girl in. There are so many potential role models competing for little girls' attention, and as a parent it's up to me to make sure that the ones my daughter chooses are positive. But even if I can control her influences inside the home, her friends might introduce her to something new. It seems like there is only so much I can do to help her respect her body, love herself, and make the right choices in life.

Not to brag, but as a woman I feel like I've turned out pretty well. I don't feel the need to starve myself or wear makeup to fit the Victoria's Secret beauty standard. I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I want my daughter to have that kind of confidence when she grows up, so the natural thing to do should be to introduce her to the same role models that I had. Problem is, according to the critics I should be as insecure and appearance-driven as any typical woman supposedly is. I played with Barbies that cause body image issues. I watched Disney movies where the princesses need a big strong man to come save them. I had baby dolls that encourage stereotypical gender roles. So what is it, really, that makes a girl grow up confident?

I'll be honest, I don't know the answer. Even when my daughter is grown I may not have figured it out. But I'm beginning to suspect that a woman's simple nature has a lot to do with it. I think that every little girl is strong from the beginning, and if we encourage them to be themselves they will stay that way. Throughout history women have adapted to fill every imaginable role, from nurturers to providers to leaders, and so many combinations thereof. And that's before the advent of Women's Lib.

I started this blog post fully intending to talk about an article that I read today supporting super heroines as role models for girls. Then I realized that even now, when my love for comics is tenfold what it was as a child, Wonder Woman and Batgirl aren't really my thing. I loved my heroes for who they were and what they could do, not for their gender. Despite the Power Rangers being made up of both genders, my favorite was the Blue Ranger (male, for anyone who didn't know). Still, my daughter may not be so gender blind as I was, and I wish there were more powerful women out there for her to look up to. Then again, there are so many things I wish I could change about the world to make it perfect for her.

I'll leave you with an excerpt from the article I mentioned, but please do read the whole article if you have the time. If it prompts you to register for the NY Times, it's worth it.

In the end, that is the true drama of the superhero: the ordinary Joe who discovers that he has a marvelous gift, something that sets him apart from everyone else, simultaneously elevating and at least potentially isolating him, forcing a series of moral choices about the nature of might and goodness. It’s a story writ large about coming to grips with power: accepting it, demanding it, wielding it wisely. Those themes are rarely explored in the fantasy culture of little girls, yet given how problematic power remains for adult women — in both fact and fiction — perhaps they should be. -Peggy Orenstein, "Wonder Girl"