Creating Creativity

Even though I'm making this post as an entry for a giveaway from Cotton Babies, it's something I've been meaning to discuss for a while. Creativity is very important to me, and I want to see the offspring blossom into an imaginative child. At eleven months (four days shy, how time flies!) it's impossible to know what talents she will have, so right now it is all about creating a mindset.

Right now, she loves to dance, so we dance every day! Whether it is just singing silly songs or playing CDs to see what she likes, there is a lot of music in our house these days. She loves it all, from mommy singing the alphabet to rocking guitars! She definitely has her own moves and I don't know where she got them, so she is already getting creative there.

I think making independent choices is very important to creativity, too, so the offspring helps choose her clothes almost every day. For now her choices are limited, but she gets to pick from two or three options. She is showing preferences towards bright colors and bold patterns, which of course I love. It's great to dress her and know that she likes her clothes, and thinks she looks good.

Most of all I try to get her to use her imagination every day. She is welcome to play with some of my plastic bowls, and she takes the offer gladly. Some days they are drums, other days they are baskets for collecting smaller toys, and still other days they are hats. And some days, they are all three! I want to keep buying her toys that will encourage her imagination instead of just flashing lights at her. She does love gadgets like a proper little nerd baby, but there is so much more to life. For her upcoming birthday she is getting Megabloks so that she can build whatever she can dream up. For Christmas I plan to get toy food so that she can pretend to be a gourmet chef, or run a grocery store, or be a mommy cooking for her baby doll. And when she is old enough to hold them she'll get crayons and I will draw with her every day, because even at 23 I think crayons are one of the best things on Earth.

Creativity is a muscle, and if you don't nurture it, you can atrophy. I'll keep exercising the offspring's creativity every day!

Educating the Offspring

So, while I don't like to brag about it, it's easiest to start off this entry explaining that the offspring seems to have above average intelligence. She is hitting milestones early and has very high comprehension skills for her age. 1337 D4ddy and I aren't exactly slackers in the IQ department so I can't say I'm shocked, but even knowing it's likely doesn't fully prepare a person to raise a gifted child.

I worry about whether I am stimulating the offspring enough to help her reach her potential. We talk and I teach her words every day, we read pretty much every day, and we are already introducing the alphabet and colors into her daily play too. But the world throws lots of early education "opportunities" at parents these days and it keeps me curious. Do I need to get "Your Baby Can Read"? Do I need to buy sign language DVDs? Do I need to make baby lesson books?

Right now my answer is no. The offspring is learning really well without any formal lessons and I don't want to interrupt it. I want her to grow into her brains and talents naturally, without being pushed too hard in any one direction. This isn't to say that I disagree with any parents that do choose baby education. I haven't completely ruled out doing it in the future. But the offspring has so far shown a fondness for learning in her own way and I'm not going to make her change. I want to encourage her imagination, too. After all, she will have years and years of school to teach her, but only five years to stay home and play!

Not So Granola

Recently I came to realize that, on paper, I sound like a bit of a "granola mom". I breastfeed, babywear, co-sleep, and cloth diaper. I still don't see myself as being too granola, though, probably because most of this was completely unplanned.

Breastfeeding was the one thing I chose to begin. However, the offspring is nearly ten months old now, and I honestly believed that by this age I'd be doing more pumping and bottle feeding than nursing. She had other plans. She hates bottles and is very picky about what she'll drink from a sippy cup. We still nurse at least six times a day, often more.

Babywearing was sort of my choice, but like breastfeeding the offspring expanded the scope of my plans. As an infant she never wanted to be set down, so into the sling she went to let me do dishes and laundry. Even now she becomes impatient in a stroller and I've upgraded to a hip sling for traveling.

Cloth diapering came in later, and while I enjoy it now, I thought I'd be happy using Pampers for however many years we took to potty train. I'm not going to get into details about the Dry Max because there has been such a huge controversy on the internet. We did not have a rash, but I was dissatisfied, and the other disposables just didn't measure up to the old Pampers. I'm happy that we're not throwing out gallons of diapers every week, but the environment was hardly my highest priority in the switch.

And last, but certainly not least, we have the co-sleeping. Not only was this unplanned, but I have done everything in my power to avoid it. Unfortunately the offspring has never been a good sleeper and after months of getting four or five hours of sleep at best, I have (mostly) given in. And just let me say that I know why I "shouldn't" be doing this, from safety concerns to toddler discipline. I've read about it, I've heard it, I've lived it, but none of it has been able to change my situation.

So I guess that I have a bit of granola in my life. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I have a granola baby, since it is her attitude that has led to most of my decisions. But mostly I am just doing what nerds do best: living my life apart from what society expects, and being happy whether they like it or not. I'll do what I need to do!

High-Tech Low-Tech

Geeks and nerds are usually known for loving all things high tech and modern. In our house this often holds true. 1337 D4ddy drools over tech blogs daily and if we could afford to have all the most up-to-date appliances and electronics we definitely would. Sometimes though, "modern" just doesn't work the way you want.

The offspring is seven months old now. We have been using disposable diapers the whole time. They're a wonderful modern convenience, just toss them when you're done and you rarely have to touch poop and pee. They're super-absorbent thanks to the miracles of science and chemistry. Unfortunately the leaking gel and gallons of trash they produce seem decidedly inconvenient to me, and you would think that science would find a cleaner alternative by now. Still, it sounds better than folding, wrapping and pinning those cloth diapers on. What is a mommy to do?

Whether it is out of desire for convenience, concern for the environment, or maybe just a love of innovation, cloth diapering has been reborn in so many new ways. Moms (and Dads!) have re-designed the diapers to fit any lifestyle. From gadgets that simply replace diaper pins to whole systems with adjustable one-size covers and optional disposable inserts for those times when you just can't use cloth, the old fashioned option is turning into a highly engineered piece of baby gear.

Maybe I'm just making excuses for introducing a decidedly old concept into our usually modern home, but I do know that if cloth had not been improved in recent years this Nerd Mama would not be traveling back in time. Sometimes great things are just an improvement on the old.

Nerd Immersion

It will be years before 1337 D4ddy and I know where the offspring's true interests lie, but in the meantime we are making her part of our very nerdy lives. In February we were fortunate to be able to attend Naka-kon 2010, our first anime convention. We brought the offspring along, and she was a huge hit. One of her "aunties" made a moogle poncho for her, so naturally baby had to cosplay on Friday. It didn't last long. About fifteen minutes in, she was trying to pull the hood off. Despite the costume being short-lived, people were still talking about it on Sunday! She was adored by the guests as well as the con-goers and even made it onto Christopher Ayers' website. (About 1/3 down, she's the baby being "autographed") She now has a hat embroidered with Cthulu- it reads "elder snack".

In addition to the big events, the offspring is of course involved in our day-to-day geekery. We host a D&D group once a week and I happily play with the offspring on my lap, or even nursing right at the table while someone else rolls for me. We make jokes about rolling a halfling character for her, but we're a little bit serious too. Someday we'll teach her how to play. Dice games can help with her math skills, and roleplaying fuels the imagination, plus it's a game that requires us all to sit down together and talk to one another. As busy as society tries to keep families nowadays, that will be something to treasure.

I don't know if my daughter will ever join her own D&D group, if she'll want to go to anime conventions (with or without us) when she's a teenager, or if we will someday have long discussions about The Lord of the Rings. Maybe she will geek out over something that has yet to be invented and I will feel connected, yet disconnected at the same time, as I'm sure my own parents have felt sometimes as they watch me grow nerdier than they could have ever predicted. But we are going to share lots of memories in the meantime.

Fun Times with a Nerd Baby

Shopping for nerd baby toys is disappointing at best. Sure, there are plenty of nerdy toys in the world, but honestly most of them are targeted at adult collectors. Even the ones meant for children are usually only for kids old enough to be trusted with small parts. Nerd baby or not, I really don't want to take the offspring to the ER because she stuck a Lego up her nose, or swallowed a plastic laser beam. Even plush toys usually have button eyes or details that aren't really safe for an infant.

So far, our best solution has been handmade toys. There is of course Thu, the hand crocheted Cthulu that we received in the delivery room. The Nerd Mama isn't half bad at crocheting either, so I've whipped up a stubby little astromech droid and have a couple of Mario 'shrooms in the works. But the offspring isn't much interested in plain plush toys yet. She likes things that rattle or light up, or that feel interesting when she manages to stick them in her mouth. She has no shortage of these kind of toys, but how much fun would it be if her favorite toy was a Moogle rattle-headed blanket plush instead of a pink elephant? Sure, it would be mostly for my own pleasure at this point, but it would make for some fond memories down the road too.

Unsurprisingly, our non-toy play tends to find itself taking a nerdy turn. The offspring loves the motorboat or running game where we bicycle her legs, but at our house it is called "playing Bat-baby", because we run along to the old Batman theme song. She also loves to be held up and danced around, and D4ddy will have her dance to the Imperial March. The TV is enchanting to her when it's full of bright lights and movement, and of course super hero cartoons and D4ddy's video games are full of that. Even computer start up screens are a delight and make the offspring smile. Despite the lack of nerdy baby toys, there is no lack of nerdy baby fun to be had.

On raising girls

When I found out that the offspring was going to be a girl, one of my initial reactions was panic. It's a difficult world to raise a girl in. There are so many potential role models competing for little girls' attention, and as a parent it's up to me to make sure that the ones my daughter chooses are positive. But even if I can control her influences inside the home, her friends might introduce her to something new. It seems like there is only so much I can do to help her respect her body, love herself, and make the right choices in life.

Not to brag, but as a woman I feel like I've turned out pretty well. I don't feel the need to starve myself or wear makeup to fit the Victoria's Secret beauty standard. I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I want my daughter to have that kind of confidence when she grows up, so the natural thing to do should be to introduce her to the same role models that I had. Problem is, according to the critics I should be as insecure and appearance-driven as any typical woman supposedly is. I played with Barbies that cause body image issues. I watched Disney movies where the princesses need a big strong man to come save them. I had baby dolls that encourage stereotypical gender roles. So what is it, really, that makes a girl grow up confident?

I'll be honest, I don't know the answer. Even when my daughter is grown I may not have figured it out. But I'm beginning to suspect that a woman's simple nature has a lot to do with it. I think that every little girl is strong from the beginning, and if we encourage them to be themselves they will stay that way. Throughout history women have adapted to fill every imaginable role, from nurturers to providers to leaders, and so many combinations thereof. And that's before the advent of Women's Lib.

I started this blog post fully intending to talk about an article that I read today supporting super heroines as role models for girls. Then I realized that even now, when my love for comics is tenfold what it was as a child, Wonder Woman and Batgirl aren't really my thing. I loved my heroes for who they were and what they could do, not for their gender. Despite the Power Rangers being made up of both genders, my favorite was the Blue Ranger (male, for anyone who didn't know). Still, my daughter may not be so gender blind as I was, and I wish there were more powerful women out there for her to look up to. Then again, there are so many things I wish I could change about the world to make it perfect for her.

I'll leave you with an excerpt from the article I mentioned, but please do read the whole article if you have the time. If it prompts you to register for the NY Times, it's worth it.

In the end, that is the true drama of the superhero: the ordinary Joe who discovers that he has a marvelous gift, something that sets him apart from everyone else, simultaneously elevating and at least potentially isolating him, forcing a series of moral choices about the nature of might and goodness. It’s a story writ large about coming to grips with power: accepting it, demanding it, wielding it wisely. Those themes are rarely explored in the fantasy culture of little girls, yet given how problematic power remains for adult women — in both fact and fiction — perhaps they should be. -Peggy Orenstein, "Wonder Girl"